Shattered Hearts
by Calista21
Summary: What was going through his mind the morning Jim left Scranton?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer I do not own the Office, though it would be really sweet if I did.

**Chapter 1**

Jim Halpert stared blankly out the windshield of his beat up old car. The sun had just crested the horizon and shone brightly at him. The air was clear and warm, a beautiful day in all respects. But Jim noticed none of this as he drove the two and a half hour drive to New York city. Tears streamed down his face unchecked and he wondered briefly if he should even be driving in this state. Surely it wasn't safe. But he needed to go. Had to.

He had gotten up four hours early that morning, unable to sleep for the sobs that wracked his body. The night before, at Casino night, he had done it. He had finally said those words that he thought every time he was near her, heard her laugh, saw her smile. He loved her. He wanted to, no, needed to be with her. Every cell in his body yearned for her. And standing there, her beautiful form before him, he had bared his heart to her.

And she had cut him down. She might as well have stabbed him in the heart, right then and there. He had felt a tear fall down his cheek, but couldn't stop it in time. Jim had struggled to maintain his composure, but the rest of the conversation was a blur. He hadn't heard a word she said. Just wanting to get out of there, Jim had left her and retreated to his car. There, where he was finally alone, he had let the tears fall.

Weaving in and out of the traffic now, Jim reflected back on that night, how he couldn't let it rest. He just couldn't let it end this way. Noticing that she had went upstairs to the offices, Jim had to give it one last shot. The kiss that followed was everything that he had dreamed. He could still feel the tenderness of her lips, the warmth of her breath, as she kissed him back, her body trembling at his touch. When he pulled away their eyes met: his pleading, hers sorry and tear-filled.

"I'm sorry, Jim." Was all she had said in a shaking voice as she took a step back. The foot or so between them could have been the grand canyon. Jim wanted to scream. 'What about the fun we have? The jokes, the laughter, the pranks? What about sandwiches on the roof? Do you know how much I've thought about that night? Does none of it matter? Do I mean anything to you?' But he knew these things would be unfair to say, so he swallowed them down with the lump in his throat. He could see the tears begin to fall down her cheeks and he yearned to wipe them away, longed to hold her again, but he couldn't. She was another man's betrothed. And she had made it plain that it would stay that way.

Crying silently in front of her, the woman he had loved unconditionally for so many years, he burned her image in his mind. He knew that, after this night, he would never see her again. All that they had once had would be over. Finally, he had taken a deep breath and turned. As he walked out of the office door, he thought he could hear her crying. It took all his will-power to get to the elevator. And as the door closed for the last time on their friendship, he sighed. "So long, Beesly." was all he said as the elevator doors shut.

Jim had lain awake most of the night reliving every moment he had spent with her. He could hear her laugh, see her smile, feel her warmth every time that he had 'accidentally' brushed up against her. He loved the way she sighed when she was full, the way she played with her pen when she was bored, the way her eyebrows furrowed and she chewed her lip when she was concentrating. He loved Pam, and everything that went with her.

Jim took a sip of his Dunkin' Donuts coffee and cranked the tunes, hoping to chase all thoughts from his mind. In doing so, he noticed the time. She would just be arriving to work…and realizing he was gone. He probably should have told her, but it was better this way. He was no good at good-byes anyway. No, he had to move on. He had to put her out of his mind, and out of his life. Moving to Stamford was the best thing for him, and the best thing for her too when it came down to it. But did it have to be so hard? Drowning the pain with another gulp of luke warm coffee, Jim Halpert turned his attention to the road, resigning himself to his fate and the path that had been chosen for him.

**Author's Note**: So this is the first chapter of a fic I would like to start writing, I know it may seem a little bit eh… but go easy on me, k? This is the first time I've written a fic in a very, very long time. So, please let me know how it is, and maybe I'll have the urge and the time (no small feat with a six month old son) to write more. The more you review, though, the faster I'll write!


	2. Chapter 2

**Shattered Hearts**

**Chapter 2**

Pam woke to muted sunlight filtering through her bedroom window curtains. The extreme headache she had due to having 'one too many' after she got home last night caused her to wince against the bright light. She tried to sit up, but quickly abandoned the idea as she felt the pressure in her head threatening to explode. Roy snored beside her and she glanced at him, tears filling her eyes as she remembered last night. Had it really happened? Had Jim really kissed her, and professed his love to her? Had she really turned him down for Roy?

The warm, passionate feel of his kiss was still on her lips, so she knew it was true. He had said it all, unleashed all of his emotion toward her in one kiss. And in that unguarded moment, Pam had done the same, meeting his lips with the same fervour, the same longing. She could still feel the tingles start from her toes and work their way up to her hairline. The butterflies still fluttered in her stomach as she recalled the effect his touch had on her.

But if the kiss had happened, the rest must be true too. She turned him down. Jim, her best friend and prank partner. She had always loved him. Always. And last night she knew it was true. She couldn't deny her feelings any longer; they were there, staring her right in the face. But she couldn't, wouldn't, do that to Roy. Not with the history they had. So she had sent Jim packing. Now, observing her fiancé as he snored noisily beside her, she had to wonder if she made the right choice.

Pam glanced at the bedside table at the alarm clock. 6:56 AM. 'Well there goes my shower' she thought as she forced herself to rise out of bed. Stumbling to the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol to kill her headache, she caught a glance of herself in the mirror and stopped dead. Boy, was she a sight. Her mascara had leaked all down her face from crying herself to sleep last night, her cheeks were red and puffy, her eyes were bloodshot, and her hair was frizzy and stuck out at odd angles. It would take more than fifteen minutes to clean herself up, but she got to work, listening to Roy's snoring in the other room and feeling herself slip deeper and deeper into despair.

She walked out of the bathroom twenty minutes later and dressed herself for a regular day at the office. When she was finished, she stopped at the foot of their bed. Roy had slept through the alarm twice that morning, and she knew she should really wake him… but she couldn't face him. Not today. Pam grabbed her purse and walked out the door, leaving Roy and a blaring alarm clock behind.

* * *

Pam pulled up in the Dunder Mifflin parking lot and sat there for several minutes, preparing herself to see Jim. Hundreds of scenarios had went though her mind on her way to the office and each one saw herself falling into his arms and telling him she loved him.

"Hey, Pam!" Pam looked up just in time to see Michael rushing to her car. "How about walking up to the office with me?"

"Sure, Michael, just let me lock my car." After locking her car and taking a few calming breaths, Pam turned to her boss. "Ok, all set."

On the way up to the office, Michael regaled her with stories of what happened after she left the warehouse the night before. "And then Phyllis actually DRANK it! Can you believe it? I've never seen that much fat run so fast for the bathr--."

"Michael!" Dwight yelled as they reached the office.

"Dwight, you idiot, I'm right here! You don't have to yell."

"Michael! Something has happened." Dwight paused for effect, his lips trembling. "There is a thief in the office!"

"What do you mean there's a thief? What's going on?" Pam slipped by them and headed for her desk, content to ignore them.

"Well, I came in early today, like every day, and I can't find Jim's stuff anywhere."

Pam halted. Her eyes shot to Jim's desk. Dwight was right. It was empty, completely bare of all his personal effects. As clean as the day he first started working here.

"What?" Michael stormed in the office, his hands held dramatically to his head.

"It's true. I've searched the entire office. It's like he was never here, which has led me to the conclusion that the thief must have kidnapped him as well."

"No, oh no. Not Jim. Not Jim!" Michael's wails drew the attention of the other workers and they slowly gathered around, looking at Jim's desk and whispering. "We need to get to the bottom of this!" Michael declared. "I need to get on the phone with corporate and declare an emergency. Dwight, you come with me. I need the emotional support. Accounting, get on the line with all of the police stations around to file a missing persons report. Temp, go brew some coffee. And bring me some. In my sad blue mug, not the best boss one. I'm much too depressed. Oh, and don't put as much sugar in it this time. It was like syrup yesterday. Toby…just stay out of the way and let the grown-ups handle it. Kelly, call the local businesses and ask if they've seen a man with brown hair and blue eyes, of average height, average build, and a good sales background. Oh and Pam, see if you can make up some posters with a sketch of Jim's face for us to put up around town. This is Code Blue, people. Code Blue!

"Wait, Michael, what's Code Blue?" Oscar asked.

"Ya, and what about our work? I've got like a gazillion-."

"Not important, Kelly. Not important. And Oscar, just shut up. You're wasting time and we have a life to save! Go Go!"

"Go, Go, Go!" Dwight echoed as he followed Michael into his office.

Pam was oblivious to the people around her going back about their business… she was frozen in place, her eyes glued to Jim's empty desk. He was gone. He had walked out of her life for good, and Pam knew in her heart that it was all her fault.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to all of you who reviewed for the last chapter! Sorry it took so long to post a new chapter, I had to decide what direction I wanted this fic to go. I hope to have the next one up soon! So, review review review!!

Calista


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